Episode #44: Welcome to You Are the Magic Pill, I’m your host Victoria, thank you so much for joining me. Today I am so excited because I’m bringing back my bestie Richele Batt to talk about red flags in dating and relationships. We talk about addressing the issues that you know are there, and then when they come up, seeing what the response from the other person is, and if it gets addressed by them. If they care to change something, or maybe if you’re just not a match, and trusting your intuition, yourself and your gut feeling.

Ready? Listen in…

SHOWNOTES:

•  Yeah, and so it’s about loving yourself enough to know your value and to leave your situation when you know it’s not good for you, or not getting into a situation that you know is a huge red flag. There’s a couple of funny memes that I’ve seen that are hilarious one is perfect for Valentine’s day, because this guy is holding a dozen red flags and she goes, ‘Oh a dozen red flags, I love him so much’, and then there’s another one where he says ‘Good morning beautiful’. And she says, ‘Take me off rotation’.  (8:05)

•  When that happens, I think is a very important to know what to do. So I think a lot of times people don’t do anything because they don’t know what to do, they either cut bait and go or they don’t do anything. So I think the important thing is to tell people what do you do at that point. Well, that’s where communication skills come in, you have to know how to open your mouth and speak. And you know what? It may be a little scary to communicate with someone, especially someone you only just started knowing. I’m like, Listen, first of all, you have to have healthy boundaries. And you have to know what those are. If your boundary is, I need to be respected, like say someone stood you up on a date or something like that. That’s probably a boundary. You carve out your time for that person, they decide the last minute they’re not going or something, and they act like it’s no big deal, that’s a red flag. And it’s something that needs to be addressed now. (12:40)

•  There’s so much integrity in realizing, Okay, we’re not a match. I tell people, ‘You’re not dating to make it a match, you’re dating to see if it is one, and so even when you go through break ups and such, and I’ve had episodes about breakups, sometimes you complete a relationship and it’s about the two people realizing, Okay, this is not working, this is not going to be… We’re not compatible for whatever reason, and sometimes they’re very difficult. But as long as you do look and realize, Okay, there’s lessons to be learned from here in this relationship, and you take those to heart and you go on in the future and say, Okay, now I know what I need and what I want, and hopefully the other person does too, and you help each other grow… What is better than that? I mean, that’s what we all want to do. So you’re not forcing it to be a match… I think some people get in a relationship and think I have to make this work, I have to… I have to… And they’re just like, beating their head against the wall. What’s the point of that?  (19:33)

•   I was married for 20 years and you were married for a long time, we have an our story from it, right? We have our experience from it, so do our spouses are ex’s. They have their story and what they learned from it, neither is wrong or right to be honest. It’s what we both needed. But whenever I was married, my life felt like, my soul that like, I was like dead. So I felt like my life was being sucked out of me, and I don’t blame that on my ex, it’s just the relationship wasn’t meant to continue. He didn’t suck the life out of me, it was the relationship that was no longer serving me…or him. And so I had to make the decision, I had to be strong enough and listen to that gut feeling, listen to my inner voice saying, ‘You are not supposed to be here anymore, get out. (22:44)

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Visit my website: CoachingCloset.com
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Episode 23: Welcome back to You Are the Magic Pill, I’m your host Victoria. I’m excited that you’re here with me today because I have a very special guest, Scott Bloom. Scott is a veteran comedian and television personality who has built a reputation as the “go-to” choice for business humor, having hosted hundreds of events for companies such as FedEx, Ford, IBM, MetLife, PepsiCo, Pfizer, and Verizon. In addition to his work as a highly respected emcee and comedic keynote speaker, he has had a successful career in television. Scott has been featured on Comedy Central numerous times, and was the host of his own weekly VH1 series. Scott recently co-hosted a national simulcast of the Grammy Awards from the Palace Theater.  He currently lives in Los Angeles.

Ready? Listen…

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Social Media: @ScottBloomConnects

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IN THIS EPISODE:

Episode 14: Welcome back to You Are the Magic Pill. Today, I have a very special guest with me to have a conversation about relationships. His name is Daniel Herrold, and he is a divorced dad of three daughters who lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Daniel is the co-creator of Divorced Over 40, an online community of divorce men and women in their 40s and 50s, which provides content and community to this audience. Daniel is very inspirational, and I just love his insight on what it’s like to be divorced over 40 and being single again. We’re going to have a little chat about all of this, I invite you to listen in…

• I would like to think that I’ve changed a lot since my divorce, and I think that, and I speak to that, not only through the Divorce Over 40 community, but also on my personal Instagram, about what I believe is a need for all of us to really self-reflect as well as kinda go through this self-discovery, or this rediscovery process, as we kinda call it .(2:47)

• It’s really helped in navigating someone through their divorce journey, whether they’re in the middle of it or they’re coming out of it from a healing standpoint, and I think that a lot of us is when we get divorced, we feel like we’re on an island, and the circumstances that we’re experiencing are unlike any others. And some of them are very toxic and painful, and sometimes some kind of breeze through it, but nonetheless, when you hear stories of other people that have gone through the same situations as you did, it’s kind of like an aha moment where it’s very therapeutic for people. (6:08)

• And so what I’ve tried to do is, at least, I pass along whatever wisdom I can when it comes to data on how to approach it and make it something that’s a little bit more positive and fulfilling than just all the negative stuff that you keep hearing about, and how people get easily triggered by behaviors of people that they’re talking to. (8:46)

• Even though you’re more open to having a day just to get to meet someone, I think you still, at the same time, tighten your filter a bit to say, I’m protective of my time, and if someone isn’t aligned with me, I don’t want to waste my time on that person. And so I think there’s a lot of benefits from taking that stance and dating. (13:25)

• Here are the four or five things that are absolutely non-negotiables, it could be religious, what your faith is, and whether or not that aligns to someone. It could be stage of life. As an example, when I first started dating after divorce, I was dating a lot of younger women, and many of which had never had kids, and I learned pretty quickly, I don’t want kid. My youngest graduates in a year from high school, and I don’t want to raise kids for another 20 years. and so that became a non-negotiable for me for in that I don’t need to be dating women that are looking to have kids. (18:50)

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Webite: https://divorcedover40.com
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Episode #11: Hi and welcome back to You Are the Magic Pill. I am so excited that you’re here with me today. I call this episode, don’t tell me what to do, because I don’t know about you, but when someone tells me what to do, I just don’t really like it. And I think that I know why I don’t like it, it’s because it triggers me a little bit. I think it’s because of my childhood and my upbringing. I was the youngest in my family, and so I was constantly told what to do, and I never really had to make a decision, because all my decisions were basically made for me. Throughout much of my life for me. I lacked the confidence to think that I could make a decision. I let other people guide me and live my life. I was just like this person going about and doing what people told me to do. So I think… Now, when people try to tell me what to do, I’m like, Oh yeah, I don’t like that.

Listen in to hear more…

IN THIS EPISODE:

•   Basically, I got married at 19 because I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t believe in myself. I bought into the fact that I would never make it out of my own. That  I would never be anything. And that this is what I should do. (3:00)

•    We have these experiences that happen in our lives, and then when we make those choices and we have things happen, then that allows us to have that contrast and then we’re like, Okay, I’m not going to to do that again, I learned what I needed to learn. (4:48)

•    If you just kinda let other people guide you, let other people determine your future, take a pause and think about that and really feel what’s going on in your body, and if it feels right, that’s great. But if it doesn’t feel right, and you feel like you’ve been inserted into somebody else’s life or into a job, or into whatever it is you’re doing, that you feel like that it doesn’t feel like you belong, or it doesn’t feel like what was meant for you. Then take a pause and think about it. (7:39)

•     So we all need to just go within, you need to search within your own heart and go that path, go that narrow path, and that is where you find your bliss, that’s what you’ll find your happiness. (9:08)

WAYS TO CONNECT:

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Episode #10. Hi, and welcome back to You Are the Magic Pill. Today I wanted to talk to you about my marriage. I was married for 21 years, that’s a very long time. And I don’t know about you, if you’re married or if you think about getting married, or you’re in a relationship, maybe this message will help you. I wanted to write this book, I titled it. Forever is a really long time, what they don’t tell you, Because honestly, when I was 24, when I got married, the second time, I’ll have to tell you about the first time on another podcast, the second time I got married, I have to say, I had no idea. I just knew I wanted to find my soulmate, I knew I wanted to get married, have babies. All of that. But did I actually know that? I was told that that’s what I should do. And it’s just out there, just constant messages to guide us into that direction… go get married, have children, you’ll be happy they said. And no, I’m not going to paint it all as bad, I’m not that kind of person, but I will say that I got married rather quickly and here’s what I learned from that experience.

Listen in…

IN THIS EPISODE:

•    And I have this question, I’ve often thought about this and was really funny as I wrote this four years ago when I was still married, and I understand that more today than I did back then, I wrote, does it mean until someone actually dies, or could it mean if you feel the life sucked out of you, like you are dead, and I think that that’s what it means. (3:34)

•    I just knew I had to get married and then one day, start a family. I had no idea what that really meant. I do know now. And so I think when you’re on this journey, make sure to listen to that inner voice, if you notice red flags, pay attention, pay attention to those red flags, if you feel it’s the right direction to go, then go for it because it’s part of your journey. (5:51)

•    It’s going to work out in the end. All things work out the way that they should. And if you go along your life and you realize that you know that everything is going to work out exactly as it should in your life, then you can have a greater piece and happiness. (6:33)

•   And when you become aware of that and you see that all things are not about just having that relationship in your life forever, then you realize that you’re just learning from that person, and then you can see all those things and go through that process of becoming whole yourself. And that’s another episode to get into more of that process. But just to introduce that to you, that that’s what we’re here to do, is to become whole and to come to love ourselves so we can reflect that back into the world and change our reality together. (7:48)

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Episode #9. Hi, and welcome back to You Are the Magic Pill. Today we’re going to talk about love, because it’s February, the month of love. So, I’m going to tell you the best love story I’ve ever heard, or ever been involved with actually. Once upon a time, there were six girls who went on a search for love, they were all beautiful, kind, loving and loyal and romantic at heart, they all found their Prince Charming. He was attentive, kind, charismatic and handsome, he was their last first date…

Want to hear more? Listen in…

IN THIS EPISODE:

•   It was a magical date, and I thought, Wow, this guy is so funny, I really like him, and then we were supposed to get together later that night, but conveniently, something came up… Okay, right away. My body was like, Girl, something’s off. (3:00)

•   Have you had red flags before? Do you listen to your body? Do you listen to your intuition? Do you listen to AKA, also known as your soul speaking to you? Do you actually listen or do you just disregard it? (3:47)

•   I’m thankful for it because it pushed me to really realize and to always know that I am speaking to myself, I’m trying to warn myself and to be aware of that and to listen to my inner voice, and to act on it and to not be such a nice person, and to really stand up for my worth, stand up for what I want. (5:29)

•  I don’t think any of it was a mistake. I have no regrets, I don’t know about You, but I’ve had friends that say, Oh, you move too fast. Or, you did this, or you did that wrong. I’m like, No, I didn’t. I did exactly what I needed to do, I followed my heart. I didn’t listen to my intuition, but you know what, I wasn’t supposed to at the time. (7:05)

•  If you’re with someone that doesn’t really do it for you, or you feel like your life is being sucked out of you, then move on, get off of that train ride and move on and have another experience and see where that one takes you.  (8:27)

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